


For His Own Good

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Sequel Trilogy Missing Scenes [39]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Rise of Kylo Ren (Comics), The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Angst, Declarations Of Love, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Protective Poe Dameron, Star Wars: The Rise of Kylo Ren (Comics) Compliant, Suicidal Thoughts, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 13:08:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30022266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Ben has a commcall to make to Poe, the night the Academy burns.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Sequel Trilogy Missing Scenes [39]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1931056
Kudos: 1
Collections: Allbingo, Bad Day Collection, The Darkpilot Library





	For His Own Good

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Sunglow
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: Trigger warning for brief suicidal ideation.

Sunglow. That was what Ben — later Kylo — remembered about the ashes of the Academy. It started with him stumbling to the top of the slope to the Academy, feeling the anguish building up in his chest with the knowledge that he was unwanted. That his own uncle had tried to kill him.  
  
The prelude to sunglow came when he’d felt his Force energy all but crackling inside him, anger that was a shield for what-was-so-horrible-about-my-mind-that-you-couldn’t-save-me.   
  
The actual sunglow came when the bolt of lightning came down from the sky, frying the Academy, bursting it into flames. When he’d felt all of them die. All of them, as he screamed in anguish.   
  
It should have been comical in a holo. It was not when it was all too real, and Ben heard everything.   
  
***  
  
There was a moment, kneeling on the hill, that Ben could barely stand. When he swore that the deaths of the students were all but shattering his heart like transparisteel. Maybe the shards were piercing his chest as well. It would explain why his hand shook as he took out his comm. It would explain why it was so hard to breathe, why he felt all but impaled with grief.  
  
Feeling the deaths of so many, Ben Solo almost wondered why he wasn’t dead with everyone else. Maybe he deserved to be dead.  
  
His lightsaber. It would be easy to take his lightsaber and end his own life...  
  
 _Your work isn’t finished yet, boy._  
  
That voice. The same voice that told him that the Jedi were the ones who destroyed the Academy. How could they have brought this on themselves? What justified all this slaughter?  
  
He shook as he got to his feet, dialed Poe’s comlink.   
  
“Ben?” Poe sounded so tired. “What happened?”  
  
“The Academy’s gone,” Ben said. “It’s my fault. I didn’t kill them. But stars, I good as did...”  
  
His voice cracked, shook.   
  
“Hey, hey,” Poe soothed. “It’s not your fault. I don’t know what happened, but I know you. I know you wouldn’t hurt anyone. You’re a good person.”  
  
 _He has no idea._ How could Ben be a good person if Luke tried to kill him?  
  
"You don’t know me,” Ben said, his voice brittle. “No one does.”  
  
The hurt in Poe’s silence was palpable over the other end of the comlink.   
  
“I have to go,” Ben said. “There’s someone out there...I don’t belong with the Resistance. But you do.”  
  
“Don’t do this,” Poe said, pleadingly. “Don’t go this way."  
  
“I love you, Poe,” Ben said. “No matter what happens, I will always, always love you. For all you are, and all you’ll be.”   
  
Silence. Then, “I love you.” A voice cracking. “Will I see you again?”  
  
Maybe Poe couldn’t. Not considering where Ben was going. But...  
  
“We’ll see each other again,” Ben said. “Somehow. You’ll go from a Spice Runner to the savior of our galaxy, and there will always, always be a place in my heart for you. Goodbye, my love. May the Force be with you.”  
  
“And with you.”  
  
The comlink clicked off, and Ben wept openly.  
  
***  
  
It was when he was able to dry his eyes that he sensed life in the Academy. Just a flicker, but it was there. _Grogu._ Poor Grogu, having to have his family taken from him all over again...  
  
But he lived. Ben doubted he’d been more relieved.   
  
He ran towards the Academy, and fished Grogu out. Grogu chittered, frantically, even as Ben said, “Grogu, buddy...you have to leave. Go, and find help. Get Din, and if not him, the Republic...”  
  
Grogu cooed, clearly hurt that Ben was leaving.   
  
“It’s better this way,” Ben said. “Trust me. One last time."  
  
He set Grogu down.  
  
“Goodbye, Grogu.” Another childhood playmate, lost. The other was Poe, the love of his life.   
  
***  
  
Grogu was safe. That was what Ben could gather, after narrowly escaping Voe, Tai and Hennix. Grogu was safe with Din, Poe was safe with the Resistance. They’d both be fine. With Poe, it was returning a flower to the dirt.   
  
Demetrius, where Snoke was exiled, was up ahead.  
  
From there, Ben would find himself.


End file.
